Iteration Nine. Chapter 1

Jack has been staring at his monitor for some time now, just staring at it blankly, as if waiting for something magical to appear. The blue desktop screen was plain, almost empty save for a few icons indicating the recycle bin and the explorer window. It’s his fifth day on a new job. Nothing much to do since his pc has not been completely setup and the myriad of tasks, red-tape and paperwork stood in the way of progress. For now, he just settled and sulked at his desk for a while, humming to the tune of the last remaining mp3 in his new desktop — his and Jerrica’s song.

He looks at the picture of his loving wife staring back at him. He loved the way she smiled in front of the camera, with her dimples at the side of her chin peering out to the sunlight at just the right angle. Her eyes were gray and deep, the kind that drowns you in its joy and sorrow wading it in infinity. At times her eyes felt empty, but it takes the right words to say to turn them inside out. Their relationship was almost comical. Jack has been a programmer for the past 5 years and Jerrica, a professional photographer and sometimes submits entries to the opinion section of the Los Angeles Times — bad combination of late night lattes and early morning fights on who’s turn it is to wash the dishes or do the laundry. But regardless, they were good in bed together, the last piece of their puzzle that kept everything in status quo. At least they had something good in common.

It’s Friday and nothing else to do but wait. The bureaucracy of the financial institution he accepted a job offer from was pretty slow, compared to the internet startup he worked for previously for six years. Whereas he was used to working 12 hour shifts and in command of various system development projects, now he was nailed to only one project maintenance and it barely needs any work done. Jack buries his face in his hands wondering if this was the right thing to do. Jerrica didn’t object to him taking it, which was weird because she usually played devil’s advocate in all his decisions. For her to just take his decision at face value weirded him out. But he shrugged it off because he knew it was time for him to go anyway.

Jack opens up his email client and waited for mail to arrive. Outside internet access was forbidden because of security, hence the slow wait for websites to load and work on his pc’s installs. It’s been five days of work and all he got were 3 emails about a softball game between two departments and excuses on the delay of software he needs installed so he could work. He thought to himself that he’d probably stick for a month or so before bailing out, thinking he gave this place the best he has and it’s much as a dead-end job already before even starting real work.

The boss man’s cubicle was adjacent to his. At least he’s busy on the phone most of the day and stuck in meetings for hours. It’s strange that everybody else seems to have a sense of what they were doing and why. Jack has yet to figure out what the hell he was doing there. There was another hire at the time and she goy to start work already. It’s strange. Jack wasn’t used to being idle, ever.

His cubicle was empty except for papers and books he brought in for reference. Someone posted the holiday list on the tack board for information. It came in handy since Jack would be too engrossed with work that he’d forget when that was and then. Holidays are pretty much welcome rest.

He stood up and stretched, trying to make sense of his environment. Everyone was huddled inside their cubicles minding their own thing like hamsters spinning their own wheels. Keyboard strokes and mouse clicks linger in the air in some mysterious harmony. Occasionally a banging of the spacebar here and there by someone, but everything else seemed to suspend in the empty, sanitized air. Someone threw a joke across the hall; laughter would burst in one corner or another. Most of the work was conducted in orderly fashion, compared to the chaos that Jack previously knew from his former job.

Jerrica was upset that morning when her car blew a flat yesterday and Jack was late to pick her up. Definitely upset, the kind that is left unsettled for a few days will erupt to something else by the weekend. They already planned things out such as going to Tahoe and biking somewhere there. Jack knew if he let this linger on, things will get far worse. He opens a web browser and places an order for red roses to arrive at her work before noon. Hopefully, make up sex tonight would be awesome.

He let out a sigh and stood up and walked around the corridors. Time felt slow inside the building, as if he was dragging his heels for miles and miles. The white façade of his floor amused him with gashes of stain here and there. The place was almost like a mausoleum that burst with life every moment or so. But the place was too wound up like a clock that ran forever. Then he thought — that’s how money works.

Boredom was Jack’s antithesis, the kind that kills his soul slowly, like a leech on skin. He hates being bored stiff and waiting for things to happen. He’s the kind of guy that would take action and just do things without care at worst. But here, he wanted to keep his feet away from established co-workers, making sure that he wasn’t stepping on anyone’s toes or just making them look bad. It’s been a struggle for a week, but he’s kept his head low and tried being patient for a change. Patience wasn’t his strength either. For a moment, he wondered whether boredom and patience went hand in hand.

Jack ended up walking around outside the building, wandering around the parking lot under the noon-time sky. It was pretty warm that day, almost a hundred degrees but a bit of wind slicing about. People just started walking out for lunch. The cafeteria food was the same as last week and most people wanted to take a breather. Jack watched them walk out of the door where he stood nearby, people already relieved that half of the day was done and soon the weekend will start. It was demoralizing lounging about and nothing to do all week except wait. Then again, if he were busy, it won’t mean he’d be happy either. His cell phone rang all of the sudden — it was a hospital nearby.

“Please come to the ER as soon as possible,” the voice on the other line said flatly.

“Why?” he asked out loud.

“It’s your wife. Just please come as soon as you can.”

Jack hanged up the call. He began running back to the building.

***

Jerrica met Jack in a bar somewhere in downtown San Francisco. She was waiting for a blind date that didn’t show up. She’s a carefree spirit wrapped in silk and thin mascara. She was wearing her favorite purple night gown that seems to work well in bars and rave parties. Her dark hair had matching purple highlights as well. Her mother was half-Chinese and she said that her dad was from Scotland, and that does introduce something nice to her features. She had freckles across her face, the kind that made you wonder where she was from, that accentuated a slight slant of her eyelids. She was naturally blonde but prefers to color her hair black so that she won’t stand out in a crowd that much.

Jack was alone that night at the bar. It’s been a month or so since he woke up from coma and finally agreed to going out with his newfound friends at his new job. Normally antisocial, for some reason he decided to go with them this time. Then he saw her standing across the room as his group entered the bar. Nicotine hung in the crowded space like ghosts as the music raved on. People were chatting up each other and pretty much loud. Men surrounded the purple-clad beauty as Jack’s group dragged him to a game of pool.

The first time she laid eyes on him, she saw something familiar. His aura seemed deep and eternal as if she knew him forever. He wore a tight blue shirt tucked in, looking like he just got out of work. His eyes looked youthful as you look at them the first time but grew deeper and deeper as you stared into the blue pupils. He had dark, wavy hair that was neither neat nor a mess. His voice had ethereal strength in them that took her breath away. Jerrica had the waitress bring him a drink. Their eyes locked on each other and from then on, Jerrica was the one and Jack knew it.

It was hardly a magical night. For all she knew, it was just another odd Friday that had nothing to do with the fog or boring nights that she has going on for weeks. Her fiancée had just died from a car accident for about five years and she finally came along and began a new life there in the Bay. Jack, however, just came out of his coma, hardly remember anything or family. He just remembered where what he did for a living. Other than that, he had an empty wallet, a business card. No one at the hospital seemed to have heard or remembered where he came from or what.

Jack never needed a sense of existence until he met Jerrica. He did ok, not know anything before waking up from his coma. He applied at this new job as an IT programmer developing small applications internally for work. Things were a bit mundane at times, but Jack seemed to have fit the mold. There were questions of how he got there in San Francisco, but he never did care about finding out.

That suited Jerrica fine. She envied him of an empty past with all the baggage she had to live with. Her parents were divorced and the sister she has not seen in years does not want to establish contact. She met a handsome fellow years ago that she eventually moved in with and planned the wedding. She found her life fall apart when he died unexpectedly, but somehow managed to get back at life after a year or so. Grieving, according to Jerrica, was good for a while.

It wasn’t much of a whirlwind courtship either. Jack wasn’t difficult, but he was indifferent about a lot of things. Jerrica was actively involved in politics and worked for the governor at one point. It irritated Jerrica constantly that Jack didn’t care about a lot of things except about her and their lives. Almost an atheist, but definitely an agnostic, Jack seemed to have a solid sense of morals that were almost absolute. He was almost binary as the programs he developed. Computers always think in ones and zeroes and thinking in binary helps the programmer work at the level of the machine.

Jack can be cold as the computer he works on. When he’s deeply engrossed with work, time seems to stop for him and he can go on forever. There were days that Jerrica ended up sleeping alone in the apartment, knowing Jack will arrive after a day or so. She threatened leaving Jack at one point that he drove 40 miles in 25 minutes along with the speeding tickets. As much as Jack knew how to push buttons, so did Jerrica when it came to their relationship.

One night as they lay in bed, she asked whether there’s something further. She wanted to get married as much as the next girlfriend. Most of her close friends were married now. Jack didn’t give a straight answer. Then the night after, she found a ring in the bedroom as she was undressing. Just like Jack — it wasn’t flashy and the delivery was a wee bit off, but it hit her home. They got married a few months later. It wasn’t unforgettable, but both of them felt that it will last forever.

Married life was more or less the same for both. Except that this time, they felt more security in each other, knowing they were committed to their relationship. Jack needed this more than Jerrica since he felt the emptiness of his being where his past was missing. Jerrica filled that gaping hole. Soon they will have children, Jerrica hoped. The feeling of family was there, and she slept soundly as she lay in his arms every night.

“You know why I married this woman?”

Laughter boomed in the room. Some hooted and others applauded. And as the applauses died down, he spoke.

“Baby, I was always a loser. Until! Until,” pausing for a drink, “you picked me up from off the floor and gave me a smile…” He was a bit off-key on those notes from that song. The woman started laughing with the crowd.

Jack froze the video with his wife smiling on the screen. She was so beautiful that day. That was the best day of his life. Today was the worst.

Jack stared at the note before him for about 20 minutes now. Each letter etched on his eyes as he read it one last time. Yet, he could not make any of it.

“If you want your wife back, meet me at the corner of Hellman and Atlantic. I’ll wait for you at 8am.”

He shook his head. He just buried his wife weeks ago. He pours himself another shot of scotch. The note wasn’t signed by anyone. It seemed like a practical joke, but god, he missed his wife so much that he’d take anything at this point. It was about a quarter before three, and the alcohol just began working.

He stares at his wife’s beautiful smile. It has been cold in their apartment, papers, cards, letters and bills scattered around the floor. His laundry piled up on the couch. Dust stacked everywhere. It was dark in the room since her death. It was beginning to smell.

Jack gulped the entire glassful and then let a good shout of pain. He hasn’t gotten over with the accident and the grief had not even hit him. Even as the casket was being lowered down and everyone was grieving around him, he refused to believe that was her in there. Not a shred of him believed that. He approaches the screen and touches her face. It can’t be, it’s not true — he tells himself. And there in his hand was proof. She was still out there. He looks at the paper one last time and crushed it in his hand. He stood up and swiped the glass and bottle of scotch and everything else off the table, letting the glass shatter on the floor. He wasn’t amused with the letter. Not amused at all.

And as he left the living room and headed towards the door, he looks back at the screen one last time.

“I’ll be there baby. Just wait for me.”

The door slams shut one last time.

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