Highlight Reels and Documentaries

The movies you watch determine how you feel

When we grieve the loss of a relationship, we may prefer to watch the highlight reels of our time with the person we’ve lost. This might make us feel worse as we miss all the good times. But there are also the documentaries that show all the grit, blood and tears from the past. Replay those, and you might feel better as you remember some of the not so great parts of your time together.

I’ve been watching too many highlight reels of my affair with Charlie, the first relationship after my divorce. He swept in at the exact moment when I was at my lowest and showed me I was desirable and fun after my husband of 28 years moved on with someone new. He promised I would never be bored when I was with him, and I wasn’t. Not in 2 1/2 years. It may have always been exciting, but it was not all fun and games. As I miss him, I keep reminding myself of all the bullshit that came with him because if I get caught up remembering just the fun, laughs, love, sex, witty banter, and general revelry I feel sad at never finding another like him.

So as I think about how crazy he was about me with love and devotion, I try to stop and remember he was also a hopeless alcoholic who was seriously into drama.

I remember how he was polyamorous and lived with a girlfriend. He often tried to make me jealous by telling me about the sex they were having.

Their living arrangement made for a very uncomfortable place to hang out at his house. His girlfriend hated me, and made it obvious.

I remember how he drunkenly lectured me about how I needed to find one other lover, but only one. This was one of his favorite topics to ramble on about as we drove to the lake house for an hour and a half each way. He never drove because he was usually under the influence.

He would haunt my house late at night when he should have been asleep by getting up to get something to drink then having loud phone conversations in my kitchen which disturbed my sleeping sons.

One night in bed he was drunk and just would not stop talking about his ideas for how our relationship should be polyamorous. I was ready to sleep and he wouldn’t shut up. After a while, I warned him he would…

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