My Heart Is Already Broken

Since I was about fourteen years old it started dawning on me that human affection and regard are unreliable. I set out with so much faith and I only have a little left now. Even those closest to me showed me that love stops where their comfort zone and the limit of understanding ended. That is it.

And people are incredibly petty in their mindsets.

People can claim to love you for decades and it can be revealed that their version of ‘love’ is not love at all. Sometimes, you really don’t know who you are with until a situation arises where you see another side to the person. If the said situation never occurs, then you can continue to believe in the fantasy of love. You are lucky perhaps to have the illusion.

This is how most parent-children relationships are and how most adult relationships are. Why I say ‘most’ is that I believe there are genuinely loving beings. The rest of the population do not know love in its full form — they have an approximation. A play at love, based on transaction. If you fulfill these needs for me, I’ll give you these in return. Yes? Then “I love you” because you fill the emptiness that is me — you are quite useful and loveable.

A lot of people are partnered and with children. But if they loved their children, friends, and partners for real then the world would be so much better.

If you learn to love one person, then your heart is open and you naturally begin to extend love to everyone else as well. Love is a state of relating to the world and other people. It is not a transaction limited to two people. It doesn’t need contracts.

However, I am now shocked to see the limits where people stop their thought — it seems as if people, in general, don’t think deeply at all. All I see is people following rules, trying to get ahead of each other according to the set rules. Nobody has the time or the care to stop and think until life somehow forces them to the path of questioning.

Life forced me into questioning. Otherwise, I too might have held onto prejudices given over to me by society. I would…

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