Faith

Blog 051 — May 21, 2018

Today is my 29th birthday. What a year it has been. I knew my 28th year was going to be something special. I never expected it to be the roller coaster ride it inevitably became. I loved this year and I lost this year. I grew this year and regressed this year. I was happy yet miserable. I was proud of myself while also disappointed. But overall, this year has been one for the books. The hyper-growth I experienced was out of choice and necessity. It was a consistent battle between who I had been and who I was becoming.

No longer holding onto to false comforts that held me back for so long, I chose to grab life by the horns and truly take my control. Sometimes I was up and sometimes I was down. Sometimes I won but sometimes I lost. Regardless of the circumstance or outcome, I grew. I grew for the better. I can safely say that I am a better Adam today, than I was yesterday. I am a better Adam this year, than I was last. That is all we can truly shoot for.

I reached an entirely new level of self-awareness this year. Beyond just observing certain happenstances of my personality, I put the work in to change them. Self-acknowledgement was the hardest aspect to employ. Though in my past, acknowledging my shortcomings and failures was second nature, doing so for my strengths and successes was not. Something I worked diligently on this year while removing the blanket of self-denial I protected myself with my entire life.

I came face to face with myself this year unlike ever before. Exploring the roots to every problem or issue I could think of, accepting them, and letting them go. Letting go of the self-deprecating thoughts. Letting go of the self-hate I guided myself with. Letting go of the idea that I am not good enough. These were all enormous strides I had to take to figure out my path through. It was not an easy path but it was worth the struggle it took to get here.

I experienced the scariest feeling of being lost while also experiencing the most elated feeling of being found. I submitted to the idea that I can’t control life. To the idea that I can control anything outside of myself. I also returned back to God this year, after nearly a decade in my own manifested darkness. This has brought joy to my life. Even on days like today, when I am not all the way up, I can still look around and be grateful for what I do have and where I have come from.

I am excited for 29. I have no idea what to expect but I feel I have the tool set and experience in place now to truly make strides in becoming the man I had envisioned since I was a boy. I have the wisdom and insight to know what is good for me and what is not. I have the confidence and assurance manifested from within to know I can weather any storm life may throw at me. I now have the perspective and mindset needed to realize that I am already great and need not reach more greatness but exist in the greatness that I already have attained.

I have no regrets from the first 28 years. I am proud of everything I have done and experienced. Every lesson born from failure. Every introspection created from loss. I am on the right path. I have the right people around me to get there. All I have to do is stay consistent, stay true to myself, and continue doing the right things for me. If I continue taking it one day at a time and attempting to be the best version of myself every day, the Universe will guide me to where it is I want to go. We just have to have faith.

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